The Real Kram420

Sitting in front of my computer when yet alas another account is shut down due to the American government stripping away my freedom to play online poker.  Amount seized to date?  Over $20,000.  Bummed out that I cannot sit in my living room and ‘work’….  extremely bummed out.  Then for some reason I decide to begin researching the individual meanings of a normal 52 card deck as Tarot. Stumble upon this website http://www.talisman.net/tarot/regcard.html and only read the Ace of hearts definition of Tarot.  I did not want to flip through the meanings and have my brain yearning for a certain card or desired reading.  (I have no idea which individual card means when involving Tarot, either).  I have a deck of cards lying next to my computer set up… and I clear my mind, say a mini ‘prayer’ to the All and Everything, the connector of all, God… the Universe… whatever one would like to call the uncomprehensible… pick out the instruction card in the deck… toss out the Jokers… shuffle, slam the deck down and cut the cards.  Draw the top card and it’s the 4 of clubs.  <br>

My reading reads, “4:A danger card, showing misfortune or failure. Supposed friends getting in the way, or turning against the querent.”

My blogging hasn’t been avid, though within the last few days all hell has broke lose.  Old friends asking for money.  Old friends whom owe money dodging me.  A number of problems with a handful of different things… all with ‘Supposed friends getting in my way and turning against me:(.    *sigh*  Not sure what I’m supposed to do… or really say…. was just one of those awestruck moments where I sit and go…. what the fuck are the chances?  How did that just happen?  Yup, it’s real…. Yup, it’s real … but what am I supposed to do with ‘it’? I understand that horoscopes etc. are very vague to fit ones life no matter what is going on.  This is different.  First of all, my life is rarely consumed with all that much misfortune.  and on top of that rarely are supposed friends sticking it in my ass.  Also why the fuck was I googling definition of tarot cards anyways? and then to top it off — actually taking the time to really focus and draw a card?  and then that card? with that definition?  right now in this moment of my life?

and now I’m saddled back up.

Everything was going exactly as envisioned… I flew back into the City of Lights, checked into my cheap Las Vegas hotel room and proceeded to knock out every mini goal I had for myself.  I ground out hotel fee’s, paid for my degenercy’s, freerolled myself into event #1 and had rent paid.  Then last night the shit storm happened again.  I am not drinking.  When someone asks me, ‘Mark do you want a drink?’ No.  I do not enjoy drinking.  It’s a trigger that leads to worse things.  All I could run through my mind this morning was the Lords Prayer…

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Our Father, Lord in heaven, hallowed by thy name.  Your kingdom come, your Will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses… as we forgive those that trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, and deliver us from evil.

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I pray with my heart and soul that I will not be lead into temptation and delivered from evil.  It’s up to me, to fight the demons inside me… I have the control and will power to overcome my negative thought process’s, actions, and I will exert my free choice and will.

Welp, I domesticated myself — picked up a beautiful female whom adores and Loves me; and I her.  Found a beautiful home in my home city (far away from a local casino, but a home nonetheless) where I’m renting, but it’s absolutely breath taking; directly in the heart of the city — I can see the Stadium, hear the music from the clubs (faintly) and I enjoy the sun sets and the skyline of my hometown everyday.  I’ve been chillen at home, making it work online since Dec. 7th (outside of a short weekend trip superbowl weekend to downsouth) and just trying to protect the ol’ BR while being in the moment, making the girl happy, and enjoying what is; right now.  I emphasize a lot of my life around the lady, because… truly… isn’t that a huge part of a Mans life? I know I know, I’m young and I should focus on myself… my desires and dreams.  I am — and I have… and I will continue to do so.  Though; she is part of my dream — the overall big picture, and after my last ‘wifey’ I’m glad that she has found her way into my life.

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All that being said, I am happy.  I am content.  I will not type lies into this text box, though.  I have this underlying worry that I carry around with me of ‘what if’  What if I cannot continue to make dues month to month online?  It’s been a major hassle playing on the very minimal US poker sites — and as a Canadian/US player.  To be honest, I’m barely making it.  My expenses are higher than normal due to me picking such a lucrative home spot… but I’ve justified it by lowering travel — and overall life expenses such as travel, eating out, and partying.  Sure, bills are expensive… but so is chasing around females and trying to be a ‘baller’.  Or, being a ‘baller’  I guess baller status is all in the eye of the beholder, or the one whose trying to hold the ball?  What? Huh?  Focus.

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Clarity.  Clarity.  Clarity.  What am I doing?  Where am I going? Why am I doing these things again?

I am a big fish in a small city now.  It’s nice.  I’ve worked my ass off to get to this point — and accomplished a lot of fucking goals along the way.  Though renting in my home city, it’s nice to not need Mommy and Daddy.  I have a beautiful girl and a beautiful home.  I’m content…. though, what is it that I want?  What every man wants… ‘more’.  I can go on and on about my gratefulness, and appreciation — I’d say that I know; and any readers out there already can vow that I am extremely grateful for what is, right now — and I am.  … just, despite my ‘making it’ and ‘not having to worry’  There’s always that worry, and there’s always the next level UP.  I have to focus on that…. it’s good that I have enjoyed all my hard work up to this point BUT KEEP GOING!!!!  I want a Wynn Classic trophy.  I want to put myself into the batter’s box and try to hit a fucking Grand Slam.  I am capable of doing that.  I want to dream.  I want to play lights out and continue to better myself, and attempt to be one of the best in the world at what I do…. though this logical, reasonable side of me just says… “What’s wrong with just living an amazing life, traveling the world, doing something I love and just ‘making it by’  nothing — but if I set the bar high; if I come up short… life is still amazing.

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Continue to be smart.  Protect the BR.  Play within my limits — do not let your future travel to the West Coast, the lights, the girls, the drugs, the parties, the sex, the chips, the drinks, the blackjack hold you back. YOU’VE BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT.  Las Vegas is your office.  It’s a SUCKERS TOWN.  If you want to degen, go elsewhere.  I’m not telling myself not to have fun — catch up with old friends (the real ones you’ve made in Las Vegas) just don’t get out of hand.  No $1,000 nights at Rhino.  Be reasonable.  Think about how far that money goes in your home state — and the awesome things you can buy and invest in when you get back home.  Remember that time is money, and though $1,000 may be ‘just one bet’  you have to win that bet for it to be yours.  Don’t forget the bad times, I’m not saying to  dwell — just embrace them to truly appreciate when the deck is just breaking even(which is +EV for myself)

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I am courageous for living my life in this manner.  I deserve the things that have been brought to me.  I should not feel guilty for success.  I am appreciative for what is right now — though I will continue to better myself, my game, help the people around me and put myself into dream like life situations all the while protecting my BR and making due on the first of the month.  I am happy, modest… and will win and lose like I have been there before.  Most importantly, “All Glory goes to God!”    (yes, really;)

Haven’t seen this site for awhile!  MEGA BLOG SLACKING, think it’s the longest I’ve gone without posting since I started blogging years ago.  Re-reading my last post from Sept. of last year and this struck an immediate note.

” On top of this — I will continue to meditate on ‘6th senses’ and script out in a logical manner on how they work.  Obviously, they exist — I just don’t understand why they are so … unspoken of?  Joriki is real. A concentrated mind connected with the all and the everything brings forth un believable circumstances and events.”

I read a mini thought of one of my friends tonight.  We were leaving the casino and he was telling a story about holding .  He began to tell me the flop, and I interrupted with … “Flop came J high” … and he’s like, “Oh.. you saw it then?”

I hadn’t.  I was completely enveloped with my current session and hadn’t looked over at his game at closely all night.  Was strange, I just knew what he was going to say.  <br>Gotta go with that FIRST INITIAL feeling when while playing.  I squeezed button tonight to $65, two callers.  $235ish in pot (was limpers) and I had :10s  Older gentlemen whose playing a little bit to loose pre flop leads out into me $125.  In between folds and my gut just yelled FUCKING MAKE IT $400!  I couldn’t.  ”There’s better spots” or … “I don’t have to risk it” thoughts took over.  Fuck that.  The spot was right there, right then.

Haven’t played poker since going to Prague Czech and Holland.  Final tabled a daily 100 euro in Holland for some tourist money — and played some shitty 100bb buy in cash poker in Prague.  Played like shit.  Rusty.

Just going through the motions.  I should geographically locate myself next to a casino but do not be a degenerate.  Also don’t be a degenerate on this current poker trip due to thinking you have to force hours.  There’s no rush.  Just be.  No stress.  Work on Zazen.  Breath.  I shouldn’t let very miniscule un meaningful swings bother my demeaneor for even a half second off the table.  MY LIFE IS GREAT — … sure no one likes to lose… but I know that THERE’S GOING TO BE SWINGS.  Been punching in real good perfect notes into a great proggy on my phone.  Even after tonights loss my hourly and profit barely budge.  It’s bound to happen.  Be happy it wasn’t more.  Played down to 3 handed tonight and perhaps shouldn’t have played… remember anything up or down 20bb’s shouldn’t be considered ‘up’ or most def. not ‘STUCK’…. always be worried and concerned about your future self.  ”Will future self be upset if we chase $100-$250 and end up stuck $1,000?”  ”Is the game good?”  ”Does future self need rest because tomorrows game is better than my current moments?”

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** Do not play while feeling frustrated.

** Do not play while angry and hateful.

** Do not feel when Chi feels off balance and you feel, ‘un lucky’ (which isn’t often though it does run in streaks!)

Need to prioritize and really plan out next couple months as far as budgeting, and where I’m going to be going Geographically.

Life is good, doing what I always dreamed of doing.  Now that I’m here, I realize it’s not easy to sustain it…. and I want to make sure I see my overall life happiness  and net worth continue to grow. Yes, those things do go hand in hand. Just truth.

Goal setting. Life fullfilment — set targets.  I will never be able to hit targets that I cannot see.

1. Material
2. Spirtual
3. Physical
4. Emotional

Materially: To be able to have enough resources to play $10-$20 comfortably on a daily basis, handling the swings and it not affecting my outside life living. (I understand that I am only about 15% of the way there while posting this)  On top of this, I will able to play the market, hoard(garage sale fun stuff etc.), and purchase both a home in the Las Vegas area — and in my hometown.

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Spirtual: To continue living on a path of self discovery and enlightenment.  To feel as though I am ‘walking in my fathers footsteps’ and accomplishing life goals while playing my role in family that he would expect me to do.  I’ve always considered myself the ‘Glue’ in the family; and I know my Father would have expectations of me as far as keeping everyone in contact.  On top of this — I will continue to meditate on ‘6th senses’ and script out in a logical manner on how they work.  Obviously, they exist — I just don’t understand why they are so … unspoken of?  Joriki is real. A concentrated mind connected with the all and the everything brings forth un believable circumstances and events.

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Physical:  To be healthy.  I’ve been drowning my body with so much shit lately.  My eating habits are horrible and on top of that I’ve been relying on outside substances to give me that boost I feel I need.  If I were to watch my nutrition, I’m sure I would feel naturally ‘higher’.

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Emotionally:  Hell I don’t even know;)

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Since being back in FL I’ve been boozing way to much.  On top of that I am not earning, and spending.  This is a huge double negative.  I woke up feeling guilty today … for the reasons mentioned above, but also because I broke a nine year old ‘habit’ and … for some reason beyond me have just been fucking possessed it seems.  My balance and self control are what feel like an all time low.  Short term drug induced feelings of good are short lived.  They are also fucking up my emotions.  I have stories of Divine fucking Intervention where I know that 100% this is not the path I am supposed to go down.  So why am I?  Why am I almost trying to hurt myself?  Why am I so self absorbed?  Why do I feel like, “things aren’t good enough”?  Why can I mentally think grateful, but not truly feel it in my heart and soul? (outside of when I’m listening to certain music).  During my meditational practices, why am I so easily distracted?  Is it the drugs?  Is it all these fucked up personal relationships I have with so many of my closest friends, family members and business partners? Why do I feel so off kilter?  … and most importantly, what do I have to apply to fix it?

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I do practice humility, I’m not completely self absorbed.  Things are just how they’re supposed to be, right now, in this moment of time. I just have to make sure I am utilizing my potential, staying on track — and truly appreciating every gift that flows into my life.

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Outside of self analyzation… *sigh* This trip has been a transitional one.  Old house I used to live in, the final pieces have to be taken out and placed at a family location.  As I continue to get older, the rooms and couches I can sleep on are dwindling.  I am a grown man and need my own home.  Soon enough.  I went to my ten year re union, and… well, I cannot believe it’s been ten fucking years?  Two restaurants, 6 years in Las Vegas, a trip around the world, and a handful of females… that’s pretty much where the time went!  I am def. a wayward soul, and didn’t really process it and understand it until I saw my peers and how much they’re like my parents generation!  85% are married with kids.  Wow.  It also got me thinking about my bigger picture, and that one day I 100% wanna be in the same boat.  Just not quite yet.  Linked up with a pretty ol’ female friend from my childhood past.  I thought she was a complete moron at first — though after spending countless hours speaking to her, I realize at first glance that’s just sorta the front she puts on.  It’s nice to have not fucked on the first date if things get deeper, and for the time being the childhood puppy love sorta dating is nice.  It also inspires me to get my shit together, and have a setup if I do want to pick up a wifey.  Financial security is 100% a top priority.

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Plan for week/weeks to come:  Heading to PA, clean up restaurant building.  Clean and fix restaurant building.  Handle old business and continue on transition phase.  You cannot move forward until you close these old doors.  These past experiences, though not financially lucrative… are not a total loss.  You gained knowledge in different areas and will not repeat mistakes.  Clean up the pieces and move on.

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In this moment I am completely grateful for what is, right now.  I understand that nothing is stopping me from reaching my goals except myself, all the while realizing that nothing will be granted to me unless it is under the Grace of God.  I am trying to be the best person I can possibly be to the people that enter my life…. and pray that God would show me or hint to me what my true Dharma is.

**re-reading this… I understand I have choice, and I have been granted freewill.  When I pray for a sign of my personal Dharma, and what it is that will make my life more fulfilling in “Gods Grace” …  I just wish God would send me a fucking manual, eh?:)

All I can do is the best I can from this moment forward. I am consciously deciding that to continue leading the lifestyle that I enjoy I will persue and dominate the world of professional poker. Nothing is stopping me from reaching my goals and desires except myself. I will not throw pity parties. I will apply time management. I will work hours not results. I will have balance in my life. I will save money on and off the tables. I will apprectiate the value of the dollar — save, and compound the dollars that do filter through my hands. I won’t be a retard. I will NOT play pit games.

*sigh* Wrote about about a worth of blog only to have the auto-save function not auto save! Ugh. Usually after a blog mess up like this, the repeat post looks like garbage.
Oh well. Been about 10-15 days since last post… though that time in between feels like an eternity. Since then, I found myself in the Jacksonvile WPT day 2
going in ninth in chips, with an M of 46 … only to blow off all my chips IN THE FIRST FUCKING LEVEL! How does one do this? Well, I pulled a shitty bluff against
asian guy to the left of me, after I had mental noted that he was a station (I witnessed him make IMO a bad call with 9-10o with middle pair just a hand prior) and then I decided
I decide to open CO with air, him and I HU, I check back flop; barrell turn and river and he calls me with…. middle pair. Outside of that hand, things just went pretty shitty.
I lost a big one with 3/3 where I open limped UTG, guy with half my stack raises; folded to me and I call HU. Flop is 2/3/4 and I check raise flop with intentions of jamming
ANY TURN CARD as I figure the guy is pretty much dead. Turn is an offsuite 6. I ship, he snaps with 5/5. ugh. Blind a bit and manage to get the rest of my chips in with 8/8 vs AQs and lose.
GG.

Posting from hotel room in Biloxi now, and I absolutely love it here. Great poker rates, beautiful people, great food and just the Southern Hospitality that I love.
I cash gamed it the first 3 days, and managed to pick up a few K. On day 4…. all hell broke loose and I’m actually extremely dissapointed with myself and the way that I let the devil
get ahold of me. I found myself stuck a few thousand in a cash game, where I was getting hella cold decked; though I was making some great river folds as earlier in the trip
despite my success I was getting caught up in some sticky situations that I should have likely folded a very big hand, despite ‘getting odds and … *only having to be right here 1/3 times*” or whatever.
Honestly, all that’s bullshit. A situation, specifically a live situation against an unknown — comes up ONCE. This ain’t online. Make the best fucking decision IN THAT MOMENT and move on. TRUST YOUR READS AND ONCE you make a decision embrace that you’re most likely correct.
So, find myself stuck a few K. Find myself walking into the blackjack Pit. Find myself placing $500-$1,000 bets and losing them all. Find myself stuck about $7,000 total from blackjack and poker in about one hour.
What the fuck? Was like the twilight zone. I scramble back to the poker table, pretty numb though… honestly — still in good spirits? At one point, I actually flirted with the front desk girl and was thinking… I’m in pretty good shape considering how much fucking money I just lost?
I snip off $500 from the poker table as I notice that I have a better chance playing against the house at this point then I do against these 5/10 grinders. I go to the atm? WHAT THE FUCK? Where I have my limits set up to only be able to get about $600 a day.
There’s absolutely no reason why I should EVER need to touch my bank monies on any poker trip. I’m always sufficient rolled for the games that I desire to play in — and… bank money is for emergencies, travel, and outside poker investments. What am I doing?
…. so, $1,100 on me — about 1,000 on the poker table. Stuck $7,000. Blackjack time. I run up this $1,100 to $5,500. Only stuck a few K on the day. Time to quit… right?
Nope. ………… I AM SO FUCKING DISAPPOINTED WITH MYSELF. My arms were numb. I was breathing hard now. I had been playing blackjack for at least 5 hours for $300-$2,000 a hand.
Again, what the fuck? How am I falling back into these old traps? It’s only a matter of time until you bust every dollar in your pocket. Have I forgotten how hard it was to get to this point? If so, I must remember. Grinding it out…. to be able to live this lifestyle, is a fucking luxury.
My time is worth more then anything… and I’ve put in a lot of it. While sitting there stuck 7k, all the thoughts of “Can I really do this for a living” and, “Think about how much grind it’s going to take to get all this back”
start running through my head. Ugh. I’m sick. So… I should be grateful — I got more than half back. Quitting time, right? No. I shoot more, I lose. Find myself back to about $2,000 total. Kicking myself. Down to $1,100 and EVEN just for that blackjack session after grinding
thousands of it back. FUCK MY LIFE!!! WHY COULDN’T I QUIT? Opposition thinking. I’m young, I”m healthy. Some people would kill to be in my shoes. It’s alright, life is going to continue. I still have enough to play the prelims and attempt to satellite myself into the main event this trip.
I buckle up — I decide either I’m losing every fucking dollar in my pocket, and on the poker table — or I’m getting even. I return to poker room, they picked me up. I retrieve money and find that I have about $2,200 total and I’m in for about $9,000. Return to blackjack table and fucking
start shooting. Me vs the Beau fucking Rivage. I start to win, and then I start to win more. I ran so damn hot that I think at one point I was in the green? I tip a kid behind me $25 for sweating me. He lights up like a christmas tree as I’m sure he’ll never have that happen to him again.
I get to $500 of even. Dealer is the sweetest thing, tells me to quit. “Don’t chase the last $500 sweetie….it’s not worth it” I decline. $150 hands now, to relax and get even. I win, and win, and on the break even hand… I pray, “If I win this hand I’m qusdafitting … *I swore to God*” I won. I colored up and quit.

Wow. I have been envisioning Florida and what would be out here — and now I am here. I envisioned freerolling myself into as many tournaments as possible. I freerolled them as I picked up enough satellite money in cash games, and then was fortunate enough to win both my main event seat and enough tickets to shoot myself into the tournaments. I finished 11th in the $560 and went into the day saying, “Despite my M being low — I can still pull some tricks out of the ol’ bag. Stop N Goes, reverse stop N Goes, Min raising to ISO certain big blinds as an M of 8 or 7 truly isn’t the biggest difference when a good opener is bringing in for 2.2x and I can still 3 bet re-steal with a shove (if he’s at all nitty and worried about advancing ** or blind on blind) *sigh* from the SB with a 86,000 stack 11 left and 6 at my table. Golfer guy who I felt had lived a life of work and was extremely focused on becoming a professional and was playing ABC… and had been up to this point limps with a 90k stack UTG. Folded to me and I should have just immediate ship. Unfortunately; my spider sense went off and I put him on a range of 99-AA/AK, AQ. BB checks off and we take a flop three way with 30,000 in the middle and I only have 80,000ish back. Now here’s where the problem comes in — I stacked mistakes. If I initially put my UTG limper on a strong hand; I have to now check fold and wait for a better spot. Unless I’m turning my hand into a bluff or for some reason… change my decision and decide he limped with AK/AQ, 99. With a blocker A, …. ARGH! I lead 23,000 BB folds he ships I call. He shows for QJo? Wtf? Gave him to much credit and shoulda stuck with ABC! Though from 40 players to 11, despite being just above avg. or below all the way in; my ’short stack grinder’ ‘I’ve invested a lot of time’ ‘I can play small ball here and not risk my tournament’ is what got me there. Though I shoulda just continued fucking jamming chips like I had been to get from 18 to 11 going into the day. *Shrug* **To make myself feel better about this post later — I re-shipped 3bet stole from BB after reading weakness where the #’s were jUST about right but coulda went either way. Open button ship no look etc. I did the best I can and can’t put so much emphasis on the last hand.

Main Event: I made it! Played day 1 after busting the $560 as I still felt pretty damn good. Had today off and just lounged. Focusing on Opposition thinking. As soon as I have thoughts of any sort of judgement or negativity — I should immediately replace it with something positive. I am also focused on my, “Lake of Reflection” and I am envisioning a great performance tomorrow. I have paid my dues, put in a lot of hard work, blood, sweat, and yes… tears. I often recall a friend of mine asking, “Have you cried from Poker?” I lied. “Of course not” Though the truth is, I cry just about every day and most most certainly after feeling as though I was at a bout to further reach my Dharma. I would really love to break through so I can get my ’solid base’ of what I want my life to be all about.

I envision picking up some horses and starting a Poker Team to zip around and have the time of our lives traveling the world and doing what we all love to do. I just want to be able to let everyone know that we’re all gonna be alright. I want to be able to have a home base in Las Vegas that’s so homey that I know at any given time, no matter where I find myself in the world… if I can get that plane or bus ticket back to LV — I’m alright and back in business. I’ve checked off the list of helping certain friends, making 0% interest loans, giving money to my Sister, offering it to my Mother and Brother. Money isn’t going to fix anyones problems — though with enough of it at my disposal, I can truly set myself free. The past 7 years I must admit, especially when I find myself jamming words into this text box… 90% of my troubles are due to financial stresses. I’m almost over the hump. I’ve been doing a mini version of what I really want to be doing. What’s missing? A few small buddy Horses. The Homey House in LV. A large enough BR to sustain the swings of not only my cash game and tournament needs, but also travel, and the swings of my horses; also. WITH NO ADDED stress to my personal Dharma. I have to put myself first and foremost; otherwise I always seem to give to much — in all ways.

Tomorrow; I am focused on doing the best I can with what I’m dealt. I am blessed. I have gotten myself this far, I have done all I can in my Personal Power to get to where I am. I will continue to do so with controlling my actions to the best of my ability and following not only my conscious logical reads but also tapping into my subconcious feel. There’s times when you just know what’s right; go with it. I am grateful for what is. Win or lose, I will handle myself with grace and humility. I will not brag and boast; winner or loser. I Pray to God that he gives me the ability to break through tomorrow;) I envision a mountain of chips, a great table draw that easily allows me to enable my Chip Utility and dominate. I will not play scared.
*** 164,000 chips going into day 2 $1,500. 450-500 starters!

Combining my work ethic, with Gods will — that’s the best I can do.

Since my last post, I’m on day 16 of Sobriety and feeling amazingly well. Focusing on time management, dream and sleep journal, nutritional journal, and back to keeping solid poker notes(which I’ve been slacking on very badly). Arrived in Florida two days ago, and have been keeping myself off the cash tables outside two very short sessions. Played in the $340 first day, then a $180 sat nightly and a $340 bounty and a $180 re buy day 2. Out of four tournaments I’ve busted the main dailies and then managed to pick up my $1,500 main event seat and on day two sat $1,500 in tournament tickets that I will use to freeroll myself into tomorrows $340, then following $560, and then the last two $340’s. Couple hands I want to post to erase them from my current short term memory, absorb everything I can from them, learn… put them in the hand recall — and move on completely fresh from this point forward.

Day one 1pm ‘main’ tournament I was cruising along chipping up nicely. I made a sick value bet with 6/6 on a board against Erica where she had control of the hand until she check called the river with 4/4. Doesn’t seem to heroic, though due to my image… and then hers… it was pretty thin. I cruised along nicely until I found myself in a silly situation with from the blinds with a 15,000 stack and the blinds @ 200/400. Limped around — I check back from the button after pausing and giving much consideration to squeezing. (I STACKED MISTAKES THIS HAND). 1) I should have just fucking squeezed. **I didn’t squeeze because the floor came behind the dealer and said our table was breaking next hand. ** THIS SHOULD GIVE ME MORE REASON TO SQUEEZE NOT LESS!!! I should have just stuck with the fundamentals and did what was proper. I let an outside factor that should have had no effect on the situation effect my overall decision. Bad. Fuck up 1) should have squeezed. Flop: I barrel out 1,700 into 2,400 ish and get called in two spots. **I know I’m beat. I barrelled because I felt that these players (despite being new at the table) would raise pre with an ace? Turn, I barrell again due to… I don’t know? Called in two spots. River: and I check with intentions of check raise bluffing… effective stack sizes are about pot sizish and I made a sick soul read here that I just went with. Checked to kid on button — he fires like 6,400 and I ship it with us both having only about 7,000 back. Guy in between tanks forever (later claims two pair) and mucks. Kick backdoors himself into a rivered flush and I shot myself in the foot. Why did I do this? Well — I put the kid on a flush draw, and the guy in between on the best hand… my only way to pick up this pot? Convince the guy with the best hand to fold — and re-bluff the kid who I felt had a flush draw. I was right… only problem? He had an ace with it, and rivered himself into the nuts. Guy in nine seat was nice enough to call my play brilliant, with no sarcasm… (lol I think…;P) and… OOPS.. JUST PLAY ABC against these guys! XYC is not needed!

Poker problem I want to figure out. You hold and and are semi short stacked. AKo and AKo ship and they accidently expose both hands.. should you call out of the blind. (You’re short but not so short that you’re auto committed) for example blinds 200/400 with an ante and you have a 3,800 stack… both players are all in with stack sizes of 8,000ish…. answer? answer is: FUCK YES, you have 34/35% equity and should call.

Satellite hand: Q/7o folded to me on button. 80k stack, blinds are 3k/6k wth a 500 ante. Guy in SB has 6k and we’re two from money. BB has large stack. Flat here or just let BB do work?

Bounty tournament sum up: I played my heart out. I ended up having this overwhelming feeling with NO tangible reason behind it to ’stay out of this hand’ and still completed the blind with and on a limped pot on a :10c board I lead, and got raised with a 9kish stack with the blinds @ 200/400. I got all my chips in and he flips up K/9c… so I’m practically fucken dead, lol. oops. Before this hand I lost a big flip after chipping up with 10/10 vs AKs to grab a $100 bounty and some much needed chips. What can ya do?


I’M GROWING, LEARNING, FOCUSED, EXCITED AND SO GRATEFUL FOR WHAT IS, RIGHT NOW. DOING THE BEST I CAN WITH WHAT’S DEALT TO ME. NOTHING IS STOPPING ME FROM REACHING MY GOALS EXCEPT MYSELF! Really doing well since my last blog post and will continue on. Focusing on Time Management and will create and apply all journals. Blogging will also increase. LEARN LEARN LEARN… BE A SPONGE! Envision my dreams and they will come to fruition.